Why Modesty Should be Discussed Holistically
Dr Orit Abdalla
What is ‘modesty’? Over the last few years, modesty has become a topical discussion over social media. I recently came across @nuringhazzawi’s post on Instagram that addressed an obvious element of modesty within Islam; the hijab. She opened a discussion about why Muslim women wear the hijab and the struggles that come with wearing it in today’s society. But most importantly, she raised great points about adherence to the hijab that motivated and encouraged many women who wear or intend to wear the hijab, including myself.
In this two part article, I want to address the topic of modesty further. Modesty isn’t only about how we dress. Modesty is also portrayed through our speech and behaviour. Yet, modesty in speech and behaviour is often overlooked because it’s not as easily policed or managed as the physical manifestation of the hijab.
As I write this article, I aim to address the different elements of modesty and reflect upon our common practices and behaviour in today's society. Through self-reflection, I hope this encourages you to look deep within and reflect upon elements of modesty that we can all improve on.
So, let’s break down modesty; the way we speak, the way we behave and the way we dress.
1. The way we speak
Words are powerful. Letters and sound come together to form words and sentences which have the power to influence, hurt or enlighten people. We’ve all heard the saying that ‘if you don’t have something good to say, then don’t say it at all’.
Including recommend phrases such ‘Bismillah’ at the beginning of a task or ending with ‘Alhamdulillah’ is a simple example of how modesty in speech is practised in Islam. One of the Prophet’s companions, Jabir (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that he heard Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) saying, "If a person mentions the Name of Allah upon entering his house or eating, Satan says, addressing his followers: 'You will find no where to spend the night and no dinner.' But if he enters without mentioning the Name of Allah, Satan says (to his followers); 'You have found (a place) to spend the night in, and if he does not mention the Name of Allah at the time of eating, Satan says: 'You have found (a place) to spend the night in as well as food." [Muslim]. The saying is so simple, yet incredibly beneficial to include in our everyday life.
In contrast, the greatest example of modesty in our speech becoming lax is by the frequent use of profanity in our everyday speech in today’s society. There was a moment in history whereby people would swiftly turn and stare in disbelief when a person cursed. Nowadays, it’s become a norm to smoothly curse in our speech without a single person flinching. We need to remember that this is not in line with our religious and cultural practices. We need to remember to pull ourselves back when we are at fault. Ask yourself, does it add to the value to my speech? Does it alter what I’m trying to say? Am I losing or benefitting from this moment?
Let’s remember that we are constantly rewarded for keeping our tongue busy talking to others about the customs of our faith. Modesty in our speech is the path that leads a person to avoid sins and to avoid the example of those whose practices, and deeds have led them astray.
2. The way we behave
Islam teaches us to be kind, respectful and merciful to one another. Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) was the most merciful of all. His mercy extended to animals, birds and all living things. When cats approached him, he would lower the pot making it easy for them to drink. He used to accompany and treat all individuals with compassion, whether that be the affluent or those that were broken and ostracised from their communities.
Although our intention is to live by the Prophet’s example, there are many factors that influence our behaviour. Our behaviour is a reflection of our upbringing, our culture and our experiences. It can be affected by social roles and law. What is acceptable to one culture may not be acceptable to another.
Whilst being respectful towards other cultures, it is important to also remember what is acceptable within our own faith. The greatest example today, is shaking someone’s hand to greet them. Within our faith, shaking the hands of the opposite gender is not acceptable. And in places like Japan, shaking anyone’s hand to greet them is not welcomed at all. However, in the West, it is not uncommon for people to take offence if you don’t shake their hands. This is a challenge we all have to face today.
The reality is, we all make individual decisions about how we choose to behave and greet someone. However, there’s one thing I want to share. If you choose to greet someone with your hand on your chest rather than reaching out to their hand, that’s okay. If someone is offended by your act, explain yourself to them and educate them on your culture and faith. Teach them kindness and inclusivity. You may be the first person who’s ever explained our religion to them. You’ll also save the next person the grief of hesitancy and awkwardness when greeting them. Think about the reward you will gain. When it comes to practising our faith, we shouldn’t care about the judgement of others. We should be proud of who we are. Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) once said to his companion, ‘keep the worldly matters away from me, and keep me away from them. In this life I am just like a rider who rested in a shade under a tree and left it when departing’. The ultimate judge in our lives is Allah. Therefore, we should aim to be resilient and aim to be successful in this world and the hereafter.
In the next article, Orit will conclude by discussing the importance of modesty in dress. Stay tuned.